


Carlos Needs a Hug

by BalloonBalls



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: How Do I Tag, M/M, My Babies need hugs, Why Do I Tag, rebelling against sleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-11-20 23:47:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11345646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BalloonBalls/pseuds/BalloonBalls
Summary: WHY DO I LIKE MY SONS DEPRESSED MY GOSH. Wait this contains a lot of spoilers up till the end of season 3 and this takes place shortly after the finale of season 3 SO read with caution. This is basically Carlos discovering Cecil's intense loneliness shortly after season 3.





	Carlos Needs a Hug

I never meant to do this to Cecil. I never meant to hurt Cecil like that, like this. This isn't what I wanted. Not at all, I never wanted to hurt him. I love him, I love him so much yet I hurt him so much. Maybe I'm just over analyzing, but everyday, I come home and nothing is the same as it was before. Of course it is a scientific chemistry fact that two people who have an interest in each other they won't mind the physical contact, however this doesn't feel right. Cecil's body language has drastically changed. Did I change him? Did I really hurt him? 

Ever since I came back home from the Desert Other World, Cecil hasn't been the same. Of course when I almost died, he would obviously be worried about my safety, even though a scientist is always fine. Of course I also figured out soon that he was kind of clingy, but I didn't really mind. It was nice, he was close and I knew he was always supportive and cared. He was always a shoulder I could depend on, but now...it's not the same. 

Shortly after I came back I found that he liked to pry...a lot. Always over my shoulder, asking me what I'm doing, what I'm making, could he help, is there anything he could do? Whenever I would come home he would practically run to me and tackle me in the doorway, like a really excited dog. I mean at first it was cute and all and I really don't mind the showered affection but I know when something's wrong. It's scientifically obvious that his body language is completely different. 

It was like this when he came to visit me in the Desert Other World as well. Of course I brushed it off as being overly excited to be living together again, even if it was for a little bit. But it's been months since I've come back and he won't stop clinging to me. It's not that I really mind the physical contact, but I'm just worried about Cecil. I fear that something might be bugging him, something he's not telling me. 

"Carlos, when did you get home?" Cecil poked his head out from the bedroom, wearing an old t-shirt and old pants. Ever since I came back I find him in those clothes and with little paintings in our room. He's recently taken up water colors, and they're really nice. He says he did this as a hobby when he was young. He also says he has lost some of his painting talent, or got rusty over time. I personally don't think that's the case at all. 

"I just got home." I say, and just as I said that a big smile came onto Cecil's face as he shuffled over to me and practically tackling me in a hug. "I missed you." He says quietly, his breath tickling my ear as he snuggles into me. "I missed you too." I say back, wrapping my arms around his waist and pulling him closer to me. I could just stay like this forever, not letting go ever again. I could let him keep tackling me in the door, I could let him annoyingly but kinda cutely pry his way into my work, I could let him stay like this. But that's not for the best. 

"Hey, Cecil?" I ask, leaning back a bit. He leaned back as well, but still kept his arms laced around me. "Yes?" He asked me, his eyes meeting mine. "I...can we, uh, can we talk?" I ask, and his face dropped, looking at it closely I can conclude he's getting pretty worried. "I uh, yeah, what do you need to talk about?" He asked me, letting go of me. "Let's sit down, okay sweetie?" I ask, taking his hand and leading him to the couch. His hand is trembling in mine. 

"What is this about?" He asked me, sitting down on the couch next to me. He wouldn't let go of my hand. "Cecil, there's no way I know how to really, uh, really start this. So I'm just gonna, uh, I'm just gonna start this. Okay, Cecil...I just, uhm. Look, I noticed recently that you're just kinda...different. I mean I guess the best way to say it is clingy. Now don't worry, I don't mind that you're clingy! What I'm worried about is that you've just suddenly become clingy and it's kinda strange how fast you changed. So is there something wrong that you're not telling me?" I asked him, squeezing his hand.

"I...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to violate your space, if that's what you're trying to tell me." His hand started to tremble more, it wasn't even cold in here either. It was just pure fear, and I think that's the scariest part of this entire moment. "No, no sweetie no that's not what I mean at all. I'm just worried about you, that's all." I say. His eyes moved down to his lap. "I didn't know. I'm sorry." He mumbled, and I was barely able to hear him. But I'm glad I was able to hear him. 

"Cecil, I don't care if you want to hold onto me for hours and hours at a time. But I mean yeah I'm a scientist, I'm supposed to figure things out. But I can't figure out why you've changed like this so suddenly." I say, and he raises his other hand to cover his mouth for a couple of moments before moving it once again back down to his lap. "I didn't mean to worry you. I'm sorry-" "Cecil! I'm not asking for an apology, I'm not even asking for you to change! I just feel like something is wrong, and if something is wrong I want you to tell me." I say a little louder that I should've, leaning closer to him but only a little bit. 

Then, the unexpected happened. He was so quiet, it was almost a whisper. I could barely pick up anything he said, even for the loud and booming voice he has. "Carlos...I just, I keep telling myself that maybe if I squeeze you just a little tighter, know a little more, kiss a little longer, speak a little more, maybe you won't disappear again. It's stupid, I know, but still. I want to make an effort so you won't disappear again. I almost lost you forever once, and then I lost you for a year. I know a scientist is always fine, but a radio show host is not always fine." He muttered, still looking down at the ground.

I really did hurt him. I really did hurt Cecil, my Cecil. He put his heart in my hands and I crushed it, yet he's still coming back for some reason I don't understand. "Cecil..." I squeeze the hand that's still violently trembling in mine, and use my other hand to grab his chin and raise his eyes to my level. I do it gently, I don't want to scare him. "Cecil I...I'm going to admit. I haven't been the best, I knew you'd be sad about me leaving but I thought everything was going to be fine, I thought everything was fine. You sounded just like normal when you would call me on the phone everyday, so I just kind of did my thing in the Desert Other World. I never knew how much you were suffering. If anything, it is my fault that you're in so much pain. Then and now, and I am so sorry. Cecil, I may not be perfect, and I let my work sometimes take over my better judgement. But I love you Cecil, and I'm not great at putting other things before my work, but I'll do it for you. I'm here for you Cecil, and I'm not going anywhere." 

Cecil's eyes, they sparkled with fresh tears that were forming, and then falling. The white in his eyes became a faint red, the skin on his cheeks turned a similar color as well. The tears dripped onto his shirt, and he opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out for a moment. "Carlos, I'm sorry. I didn't want to tell you, you were having so much fun in the Desert Other World, and my body also wasn't mine. I...I just, it was so hard without you here. Everyday, everyday I felt like the warm air that's probably filled with toxic poisons were actually suffocating me. But every time I would find that it was just my tears and my scratchy throat. I missed you so much Carlos, more than you know. I love you Carlos." 

He suddenly pulled the hand that was held in mine out of my grasp, then just as suddenly tackled me into another hug on the couch. It was the same tightness as it was when we reunited inside the limo. I wrapped my arms around him as well, running one of my hands through his soft hair. "I'm here Cecil, I'm here." I murmured. For what felt like an eternity, all I could hear was the soft sobs that were muffled by my clothing, feeling the wet spot from his tears growing larger. His voice hiccuped with each time he cried out. 

I could feel how erratic his breath was, his chest pounding on mine, his stomach sometimes hitting mine with each quiet inhale, and the breathing that landed on my shoulder. I didn't mind though, I wanted him to let it all out. He was suffering for so long, and it was really all my fault. The least I could do was comfort him. "Cecil, I'm sorry I haven't been the best. But I do love you, everything about you. I don't want you to ever think I would leave you, because there's no one nor nothing more important than you in my life. I couldn't find anything better, and certainly no one better. I may disappear for a while sometimes, but I will always come back to you. Even if I'm in danger, because a scientist is always fine." I tell him, and I can feel his breathing starting to steady.

I may not have been there for him before, and I still have no idea how much he really is suffering. But the fact he's suffering is enough for me to take action to help him. I want to make up for the way I've hurt him like this. And this may not be much, but if I can just sit here and hold him while he cries, then that means I'm helping him feel better and get better even if it's just for a little bit. So I will sit here for as long as I have to, for as many times as he needs. I will let him cry on me, I will let him rant to me, I will let him come to me and I will be there for him.

It's not because I owe him though, or because I pity him. I hate that I did this to him, yes, but in all honesty, I would've done this for him anyway. Whether he was in pain because of me or not. But because it is my fault, I will do virtually anything to help him. I know I can't blame myself though, it'll just make things harder on the both of us and I just want to focus on my Cecil getting better. Because I love my Cecil, and he makes everything okay for me. So I will make everything okay for him.

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a little side note by me, on a serious note really. If you experience the kind of feelings Cecil experiences, this abandonment after someone leaves and then comes back like that, that's perfectly normal. It is perfectly okay to feel trauma after a loved one has disappeared and come back from a traumatic experience. It is not selfish, it is not stupid. You and your loved one can seek help together to tackle the problems you both have from this experience. Don't forget about your feelings, you can be just as traumatized as them from these experiences. It's okay to feel that way. Talk to them. And also, thank you for reading and enjoy your day!


End file.
